Making it worse was the fact that our dads said it in an accusatory manner with no compassion. Once again, it's something that many of our fathers said to us, causing us tremendous shame at a time when we were already struggling with cramps, bloating, breakouts, and headaches. This is another one that pokes a woman's past, making her feel like an awkward adolescent unable to control her emotions during menstruation. When a man says "calm down," he's manipulating the situation so he's in control. While these words and phrases may seem innocuous to a man, they are emotionally-charged for many women. Like too many women, I lived with the deep shame that comes from having an unloving father, and it makes me ultra-sensitive when something pokes my past. In my half century of life, I've dealt with guys from both camps, including a nurturing husband who'd never say or do anything to intentionally hurt me and a verbally abusive father who called me fat, stupid, and gutted my self-esteem. An insensitive clod says them (consciously or unconsciously) to hurt us, to get a rise out of us, and to make us look unhinged so he feels in control. A decent, compassionate guy gets jolted by our charged response, wondering what he said wrong and wanting to make it right.
![when my husband told me to shush when my husband told me to shush](https://legacychallengez.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/screenshot-1213.jpg)
![when my husband told me to shush when my husband told me to shush](https://www.simplywigs.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/wig-shopping-list-768x307.jpg)
Some words and phrases bring up bad memories from our childhood, struggles with our fathers, pain from past romantic relationships, and deep-seated insecurities about ourselves. Certain Words and Phrases Poke Our Past, Causing Us Pain